Letting Go: Lessons from the Universe

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The Universe is always working in your favor. Sometimes you just need to get out of it’s way. I say this with sweet, sincerity. I was, and quite possibly still am, learning this lesson. I’m not that old, at thirty-one years old, but I have paid close attention to life. I’ve taken note when things worked out, when they fell apart, when they didn’t go as planned. All this time, I’ve been taking notes. What have I learned so far? Quite a bit. I’ve learned not to wait until the last minute to leave, because when you do, something usually happens to delay you. I’ve learned to end each day with a bite of something sweet, so I don’t binge on a plate of cookies later on. I’ve learned that you must jump and trust that a net will appear. And, even if you fall through that first net, a second net will appear. Most of all, I’ve learned to let go.

This concept of “letting go, and letting God” was a foreign one to me. I had everything planned out. I knew where I was going to go, with whom I was going to go there with, and what I was going to make for dinner that night. (Of course, my mind was on the delicious meal I was going to make.) I had it all planned out. My life was going to look, be, and feel perfect. I would make sure of it.

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Well guess what? You can spend all your time planning and prepping for that perfect life to unfold. However, most of the time, the Universe has a better plan for you. For example, have there been times in your life where everything felt like an uphill battle? Like it was one crisis after another? You fought and worked so hard to patch all the holes and continue marching on. Well, my guess is that an even large crisis knocked you off your game. You were forced to finally let go of your plan and surrender to the power of the Universe.

After this happened, I assume that something even better came along. You see, that’s what happens when we let go and trust the process of life. I can reflect back on my previous two decades and remember specific times where I was making my plans, trying so hard to make them happen, and sadly, not getting where I desired. Over the past few years, some of my absolute best experiences and circumstances have taken place when I didn’t plan them to. They were times when I selected my desired outcome, and then gave my wish over to the Universe.

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I don’t know, or even really care to know, how the Universe makes all that magic happen. I just care that once I got out of my own way, this really abundant life started to unfold before my eyes. It was as if, I had been trying so hard in the past to forge my own path, by myself. Nowadays, I trust that the Universe is guiding me. My life seems to flow more freely and easily. I’m not trying to make my plan play out exactly how I had envisioned it. Instead, I just kind of let it flow. And, it’s so much richer. It feels better since letting go.

All I can share right now is that I have felt the difference in trying to make everything happen your way, and letting go by trusting the Universe and all it’s goodness.

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I don’t know what the future holds, but I know it’s going to be good. That’s because I trust that the Universe is guiding me exactly where I’m meant to go.

With that, I'll leave you to a link to the latest Kaypacha Pele Report. It's a weekly astrology report that I follow.

Namaste, 

Kilee

 

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30 Day Career Challenge - Complete!!!

30 days. So much can change in 30 days. When I started my 30 day career hustle challenge, I didn’t know what was to come. But, I knew that I could handle whatever came my way. I knew this because I had been in a similar situation in the past. Two times actually.

There have been two different periods during my past where I was unemployed. Once during the recession and again a few years after that. My mindset during those times was much different than it is now. Back then, I was full of fear, self-doubt, insecurity. I didn’t believe that I was worth it. I was fearful that I would not survive the uncertainty of not having a stable job.

My, how time changes things. Now, at 31 years of age, I am quite trusting that everything works out as its meant to. I am certain that with enough faith, work, and connections, the right opportunity will present itself to me. In the past, I thought you must suffer in order to be rewarded. Over time, I learned that you can simply ask, believe, and receive. This may sound silly to some, but I whole-heartedly believe the Universe gives you what you ask for. It just might not materialize exactly as you expect it to.

When my department was dissolved at work and I was given the option to leave or go back to my old job. I knew in my heart that I could not go backward with my career. I felt drawn to explore new opportunities and see what else was out there. I gave myself a time limit of 30 days to line up a new career path.

I started to write out all of the different options that sounded appealing to me. I could design websites and logos as a freelance designer. I could take on female clients and teach them how to build confidence and create their presence online. I could apply for remote jobs and figure out if I wanted to stay in Bend or move elsewhere. I could apply for jobs in Bend and continue living my life with my friends and community in town.

In pure Kilee fashion, I started to go after all of these options. I wanted to feel them out. I made a pact to myself to connect with three different people each day. I emailed, messaged, called, and text everyone on my phone. I sat in meditation in the morning. I practiced my yoga sequence. I walked by the river. I listened to Flow Dreaming podcasts. I journaled in my journal. I called friends and talked through all my different options. I felt out the different possibilities. 

I signed a few web design and graphic design clients. I applied for jobs online and through referrals through friends. I was very active for the first 3 weeks. Then, I took a break.

I had already planned a vacation to Hawaii months before. Part of me wanted to skip the trip because I did not have a full time income lined up. The other part of me wanted to enjoy this time of not being tied to a particular job. I ended up boarding my flight to Oahu from PDX and even added on another trip down to Palm Springs to cap off my travels. The career seeds had been planted and now I needed to trust that between the sun and water, the fruits of my labor would grow.

I’ve always been more comfortable in the masculine, push, power-through energy. To be on vacation, trying to relax, while remaining calm about where my career would be heading, was not easy. I preach about embracing the feminine, receptive energy, yet I was not melting into it. 

The first full day on Oahu was my 31st birthday. My girlfriend showered me with a very “Kilee-like” birthday celebration of a yoga meditation class, shopping at the brand new Fabletics store in Waikiki, pineapple martinis at Roy’s, an afternoon at the beach, capped off with a delicious wine and steak dinner prepared by her boyfriend. We ended the night with her signature superfood raw cacao pudding. It was a very special day and I felt very loved.

After a few wonderful days exploring Oahu, the first leg of my Hawaii trip came to an end. As I boarded the plane to Maui, I was offered a digital marketing position with a local jewelry company whose values and vision aligned with my own. I could not accept the role right on the spot, as there were further conversations and negotiations that needed to take place. In that moment, I felt a bit of pride. My 30 day challenge worked. I knew that I was going to be okay. I knew that I was not got to relive the nearly year-long stints of unemployment that I had experienced in the past. I also knew that I did not have to take the position. If for some reason, I didn’t feel that it was the right move for my path, I could figure something else out.

As I filmed the daily career hustle videos, I felt kinda silly. As if, these daily check-ins didn’t really matter or make a difference. I still did them though. I made a commitment that I was going to share my experiences daily, as I set out to find a new line of work. I wanted to show others first hand that you really can create a new reality for yourself within a mere 30 days if you put your mind and heart toward it. 

I learned that life should include a balance of masculine drive along with feminine receptivity. That between these two states, something magical can occur.

I’m very pleased to share that I will return to Bend to start my new role at the jewelry company, exactly 34 days after leaving my previous company. How lucky am I? Pretty darn lucky. But, this opportunity did not materialize out of thin air. I created the right environment for this opportunity to take place. It reminds me of a quote that a friend once shared with me, “Be the type of person that lucky things happen to.”

I now know that I landed this new role because I took a leap of faith. I also asked for what I wanted, believed that with the right amount of work and connection, I could make it happen. Finally, I waited to receive the fruit that I had asked for.

Thank you for following my journey over the past 30 days. Please know that I felt a bit silly and indulgent at times, filming myself and sharing my thoughts with you. However, I wanted to document my journey to share with you the exact ins and outs of taking a leap of faith and landing on your feet. 

Now, go out there and take your leap!!

Much love and light,

Kilee

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I Feel Like A Fraud Sometimes...

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Wow! Wouldn't it be lovely if one day you woke up and all of your fears and worries went out the window? Like you no longer had to deal with self-doubt, insecurities, and limitations. Maybe this dream has happened to some, but I have not yet experienced this to be the case. 

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You see,  I am here during this lifetime to promote love, light, and positivity. Most of the time, I can find the good within situations. Most of the time, I feel secure, confident, and loving. But, not all the time. Part of the reason why I try to spread the message of self-love and accepting ourselves for who we are is because I spent years trying to become "perfect". I thought that I'd never be "good enough". I thought I wasn't smart enough. I thought my thighs were too thick. I thought that I didn't deserve to be out having fun. Over the years, I learned that my mindset at the time was stemming from fear, a separation from love.

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Part of the reason why I am so committed to promoting self-love and acceptance is because I have taken the time to work through many of my fears, insecurities, and separation from love. Although I have done much in terms of personal and spiritual development, I still have negative thoughts and stories creep into my mind from time to time. It's during these times that I start to doubt myself and my message. I question why I can be so vocal in support of learning to love yourself, but then I have self-doubt and insecurities that pop back up.

When this happens, I feel like a fraud, like I'm a poor example of my own teachings. Why can't I block any future negative thoughts from popping into my mind? I can laugh at this statement right now, but when I'm in that moment of doubting my abilities and my self-worth, I'm not laughing, I'm crying. I'm slipping back into the fearful mindset of the 16-year-old Kilee who feels like she's not "good enough" just as she is. I'm learning that we always have the choice to return back to love. We can always turn that fear-based mindset around and chose to be loving towards ourself.

I don't know if I'll ever feel 100% lovable. I don't know if I'll ever be 100% secure with who I am. I do know that I will give it my best shot! Each day, I wake up, state three things I'm grateful for, and chose to face the day with a positive mindset. When fear-based thoughts come up, I try to shift them into a loving thought. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I guess that what I'm trying to say, is that I'm just like you. You're just like me. We all have negative, self-limiting thoughts and beliefs. It's what we choose to do with them that matters. It's how we continue to shift from a fear-based to a love-based mindset.

I'm here to share with you that I feel like a fraud when my own negative thoughts come up. However, I'm choosing to forgive myself. I'm choosing to love myself with all my self-perceived "faults" so I can be a positive example to others. I want to feel good. I want you to feel good. I want the world to feel good. Therefore, I'm just going to keep chugging along. Waking up each morning, trusting that the best is yet to come.

This past weekend, I was dog and house-sitting for my mom. I woke up Sunday morning with an itch to go to the beach. Madee and I grabbed some beach towels and water bottles and drove out to the coast. We drove up Highway 101 and stopped in the cute coastal town, Manzanita. We walked along the beach for a good two hours. It felt so refreshing to breath in the salty ocean air and feel the crunch of the sand beneath our feet. Growing up at the coast, you take it for granted. I could go down to the beach whenever I felt like it. Now that I no longer live so close to the beach, it's a special occasion. Leaving the coast, I felt more calm and grounded. There's something about taking in the vastness of the ocean that helps you and your problems feel so small. Similar to how you feel when you gaze at the stars.

I'll leave you with a video from our morning on the beach. Please know that we're all human. We all have the ability to choose love over fear. I commit to continually shifting my fear-based thoughts to love-based thoughts.

Sending you much love and light,

Kilee 

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That Moment When You Realize You're Content...

Hello my beautiful friends! I am sitting at a lovely coffee shop downtown Portland, rocking out to some hipster tunes. It comes as no surprise that I have no clue who I’m listening to because it’s not teen pop, hip hop or country. What I do know is that I am simply enjoying this moment. You see, I had a recent realization. I was driving home to Portland from Bend a few days ago and it hit me. I was completely content with my life. 

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This revelation caught me off guard because up until this point, my adult life had been in a consistent state of me trying to achieve something or working towards changing something; I was unemployed and trying to get a job. I was in a relationship, trying to get out of it. I was single and trying to get in a relationship. I was in one career, trying to change to another. Living in one town, trying to move to another. I was in a constant state of trying to change.

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Then it hit me. I was completely happy and satisfied with where my life was at the moment. I liked my current job in digital marketing. I liked working from home. I liked living in Portland. I liked my roommate. I liked who I was dating. I liked being close to my family and friends. I liked going for hikes on the weekend. I liked going to the farmers market Saturday mornings. I liked taking day trips out of town with friends. I liked where my life was at the moment and had no desire to make any drastic changes.

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Wait? Who was this girl? The Kilee that I knew always had grand plans in the works. She was ready to conquer the world and forge ahead on a new path. The past 10 years held many big moves and changes of pace. I didn’t know what it felt like to be content with this newfound status quo. Was something wrong with me? Shouldn’t I be striving for more? Shouldn’t I be making plans for the next phase of my life? 

As these questions arose, I allowed myself to just be in the moment and feel the feelings. I gave thanks for my amazing friends that I got to spend time with while in Bend. I appreciated the fact that my sister was close by and we could get together whenever we felt like it. I gave thanks for all that I’ve learned over the past few years and for the people who have walked with me during different parts of my path. I also made note that the past 6 months simply fell into place. I didn’t plan for any of this to happen.

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I moved to Portland on a whim and had every intention of it being a temporary place to land before I moved on to a new city. However, everything has fallen into place beautifully. I noted that taking this feminine, receptive approach, felt really good. I noted that I didn’t plan for my life to unfold this way. However, it did and it feels really amazing. 

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What I’ve learned so far is that how we feel is a better way to make our life decisions as opposed to judging them based off what we think about them. The intuitive hits we receive from our hearts and guts are more trustworthy than the thoughts we think in our heads. This is the opposite of how many of us are conditioned to make decisions. I am in the process of un-learning using my analytical brain to call all the shots and instead employing my heart and gut to guide me.

This sometimes means being unable to fully comprehend why I’m choosing to do or not do something. I simply have to trust that a greater power is guiding me.  I choose to trust that the Universe has an even better plan in store for me. I’m learning how to trust. I’m learning how to let go. I’m learning how to simply be in the moment.

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I invite you to look at your life and identify if there are any areas in which you can let go of the wheel and give control over the Universe? Are there ways you can stop trying so hard to make things happen and instead just be in the moment for a bit? I’m not preaching here! I’m asking myself to do the same as well.

So much love,

Kilee

 

 

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What I've Been Loving Lately 6/12/16

Hi friends! Welcome to summer! (Or almost summer if you want to get technical. Haha!) It has gone from 100-degree weather back down to the moderate 60's here in Portland. I was loving me some sun, but it's also nice to get a break from the heat for awhile.

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I'm happy to report that I'm on fire with strategizing how to spread my message of love, light, and positivity. It feels like I spent years with this burning desire to make a positive impact on the world, but just didn't quite know how to do it. Over the past half year, it has become more and more clear to me what my message is. I used to think it was health and nutrition, but those are just part of my message. I was brought here to inspire women to learn how to love themselves and create their dream lives. I spent years feeling bad about myself. Now that I feel amazing and created a life that feels good from the inside out, I'm here to show others how to do the same. Gosh, it feels so natural and authentic!

I'll be uploading more YouTube videos, Instagram posts, blog posts, and starting a 1:1 coaching program to help women live a life that lights them up. How lucky am I to be sharing my message of positivity and love when our world needs it so badly. Hearing about the horrible shooting in Florida this morning, make me feel more and more called to spread this light with the world.

Without further ado, here's what I've been loving lately.

What I'm Listening To

Gwen Stefani | This is What the Truth Feels Like | I love me some Gwen!! It's fun to get a glimpse into her love life while listening to her new album. Who knows what will happen between her and Blake? I'm just appreciating her new tracks. Maybe the greater purpose of their love affair is to make great music?

Nick Jonas | Last Year Was Complicated | It will come as no surprise that I'm into Nick Jonas' new album. I have an ongoing affinity for teen pop heartthrobs. His is right on par with Justin & ZYAN! My favorite tracks are Bacon, Chainsaw, and Champagne Problems. I'm jamming out to Nick as I write this post.

What I'm Eating

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New Seasons cashew butter on everything!!!!!!!!!!

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Avocado Smoothies | I buy at least two avocados from Trader Joe's each week. This week's avocados ended up blended into my morning smoothies.

Elk back strap (shot by my grandpa) with roasted baby red potatoes, green beans, and garden fresh wilted greens. Nutritious and delicious Friday night dinner!

Hikes in Nature

Summers are meant for hiking. I feel so grateful to live in the Pacific Northwest with access to so many beautiful hikes!

I'm off to hike, grab groceries from Trader Joe's, do some meal prep, and meet my mom for a drink in the sun. Have a beautiful day!!! xo, Kilee

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Hood River Fun With Friends

How fortunate am I? I just got back from a fun-filled day in Hood River yesterday. We knew that it was going to be a super hot weekend in the Pacific Northwest. Three of my girlfriends and I did our best to make the most of the heat by heading to Hood River and cramming in as many fun activities as we could.

We started our morning by hiking Punch Bowl Falls. After our approximate eight mile hike, we were starving for lunch. We refueled at pFriem Brewery and headed straight to the water to cool off. It was super hot and the only refuge from the near 100 degree weather was in the river water. 

Karlee and Stephanie had bought groupons to try out fly-boarding. It was so fun to watch them!! They did a great job and we got some video footage of their water action. We spent the rest of the afternoon SUPing on Stephanie's blow up board, keeping her dog, Mamba cool by doggie paddling with him in the water, and just hanging out on the doc.

Once we were completely worn out, we headed a little out of town to capture some pictures of Mt. Hood, stopped for some cider tasting at Fox Tail Cider and Crush Cider, and refueled again at Double Mountain Brewery for dinner.

Our drive home was spent singing our hearts out to 90's music and capturing photos of the sunset. It was such a successful, special day. Days like yesterday remind me of just how precious and magical life is. My hope is that everyone gets to enjoy days like yesterday this summer. Let's all make time to get together with friends and simply enjoy our time on this planet. What are you looking forward to this summer? Let me know!! Much love, Kilee

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